We ask too little

What do you say when you prayed for 7 people to be immersed into Christ on a Sunday you are challenging people to clothe themselves with Christ (Galatians 3:27) and God calls 24 to accept that call and put on the savior? You stand amazed! You realize you have too little faith. This was me today because I prayed that God would call 7 people to answer the call to be baptized into Christ and he had such bigger plans. This morning blew me away. It was by the far the greatest day in my short ministry of just around 10 years. At the end of the service we all gathered in a huge circle around the room and prayed and people cheered (not seeker sensitive, I know). I stood by Marianne and held her hand as I led the prayer because I could not have imagined not sharing that moment with God’s ordained partner for my life.

Today’s awesomeness had nothing to do with me or my efforts. Actually I felt like todays gathering prior to the end was average and mediocre. I felt the worship was good but not great and I sensed my message was missing the mark in energy, clarity and flow. Even while I was teaching I was saying in my head, ‘dude Saxton, what is wrong with you, get it together, this is supposed to be an important day.’ It reminded me yet again that ministry, preaching, church leadership, etc is NOT about me or how I feel about it.

So today 24 people ranging from 8 to 55 years of age decided to put on Christ, to take the gift of his armor and step into the battle of their lives. This unbelievable outpouring from God had nothing to do with me or Jay but was only the power of God to save people from their desperation. He loves his people and wants them to win in the spiritual warfare they face continuously so he gave them Jesus to guarantee the victory!

I hope I will remember this lesson and always ask our Father for more especially when it comes to his church!

Chaplain Darren Turner

This morning as I was working for this weekends teaching I ran across a series of articles in the ajc about Chaplain Darren Turner. He is in Iraq serving men who are facing some of the hardest stuff that people have ever faced. Reading through some of the articles I felt strangely emotional. It is easy to think that ministry is hard or difficult but then I read what this guy is doing for the kingdom and something stirs deep in me. It is an appreciation for what he is doing and a prayer of protection over him and his two children in Richmond Hill, GA with their mother. I viewed the images from the series and this one just chewed up my heart.

I think of sacrificing for the kingdom and what comes to mind is missing dinner with my family or working without a day off for a few weeks. I think of Chaplain Turner in this photo with his son clutched to him begging him not to go and tears well up in my eyes. I see the anguish on his face and my heart breaks for him. I see the resolute wife sitting by him and I am thankful Darren has her.

I am impressed and amazed by this man because knowing how much I love Madi and just imagining this scene with me on the couch makes me think of all types of ways I would avoid leaving my family. Head to Canada, Mexico, shoot myself in the foot, anything to keep from leaving my child and wife.
But Darren Turner is a warrior for the kingdom of God sacrificing all the joys of his life for the ultimate joy of Life.

Father, I ask your divine blessing on Darren Turner and the men he serves. May you protect them with your right hand. May you comfort Darren’s men through his efforts and may they see your grace and beauty in the ugly place they inhabit. May all of us who are called to be warriors for you be willing to leave it all behind, even that which we love most.
Amen

Darren Turner – Warrior For God.

providence

Marianne came through her surgery great. We are at her mother and father’s house giving her time to recoup from surgery. We have a follow-up doctor’s appointment on Thursday morning to remove her staples and check her platelets. Due to the surgery Mari cannot pick up anything more than 5 pounds for 4 weeks so Madi is having a hard time understanding why mama cannot pick her up and hold her. In addition I am having a hard time remembering that I have to pick her up. I am certain she will adjust; probably better than I.

The texts and emails we have received have been a great encouragement and comfort. This has been a crazy few days but it is clear that God has been in the middle of this protecting us. It has been a comfort to be in south Georgia through all this because we have our family near to serve us and help with Madi. They have been awesome and we are deeply grateful for them. In addition Marianne’s doctor down here, Dr. Lawrence Odom, is brilliant and we trust him immensely. He is very cautious and never acts cavalier about practicing medicine as some doctors can. We also had an unbelievable nurse at Candler Hospital, her name was Valerie. She is a Christ follower and really served us during our stay. Her demeanor and spirit in an odd way helped us begin the healing process. Because of all these reasons and more we believe that God has been with us as he promised he would be.

Thank you for all your prayers.

beyond intrigue

The news that I wanted to share with you next week that would change our family’s life needs to be shared with you now. However, I am sorry to say the news is quite different than I hoped it would have been. Marianne and I have had a difficult journey through the years with having children. We have one child Madilyn Pearl Saxton and she is 22 months old. She was our fifth pregnancy and she was a miracle. Well a couple of weeks ago we discovered we were pregnant again without really trying all that much. I must be honest I did not want to be excited because of the previous pain. But I chose to embrace this gift from God and trust him with the whole of myself including my anxiety about the pregnancy.

We had blood work and saw our specialist in Savannah who we had seen before. He felt like everything looked pretty good with her test results but we needed to go with the same protocol we used with our first pregnancy. Blood thinner and hormone treatment to help the pregnancy move along in a healthy way was used again as before. Yesterday Marianne had some pain in her abdomen area and pressure in her shoulder. Today we spoke with the doctor and this afternoon he met us at the ER in Savannah.

After waiting forever on an ultrasound our absolute worst fear was found to be a reality for our new baby. He never made it from the tube into the uterus which meant the pregnancy was entopic or tubule. This means that not only will we lose this pregnancy but also that fallopian tube that delivers the eggs to the uterus. Tomorrow morning at 9 am is the surgery. They normally would do this surgery immediately but since Marianne was on a blood thinner called Lovenox she needs to wait 12 or so hours for the drug to get out of her system.

When we got the news I was heartbroken and cried more than I have in a long time. I felt heart ache like I have not felt in a long time. You know the pain that is deep in your chest and it causes an actual physical pain. I ached because my beautiful wife had suffered already enough and had more suffering ahead of her. I ached because she is heart broken at a child we will not know in this world. I ached because I believed Madi was going to be a great big sister and I wanted to see her grow with this new child. I ached because I know how much I love Madi and want to love another child as well. I ached because of loss.

Initially I was pissed because I thought, ‘what is the deal God? Why would you jerk us around like this? You know we were not even trying very hard and this pregnancy was completely your idea. So what is up with this?’

His answer was no answer. As I reeled in my shock and pain of the bomb that had just been dropped in our life I tried to process all the emotions running through my heart. Anger, sorrow, pain, dejection, depression and then guilt for all those emotions were all present. I tried to reflect on who Jesus was in this situation and I thought of Peter.

I thought of the story in the gospel where Jesus tells people who found him intriguing that they must eat his body and drink his blood. Although they were intrigued their intrigue was not enough to cause them to stick around for this blasphemous teaching for they were devout Jews. As the intrigue transitioned into disgust and the people trickled away muttering about the lunacy of this carpenter, Jesus looked at his twelve closest followers and asked if they were leaving as well. I love Peter’s response and tonight it has been my response as well. “Lord to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We believe and know that you are the eternal One of God.”

In a way Peter was saying Jesus we do not understand this and we have lots of emotions running through us that are causing us to ask questions BUT, there is no one else. You are the only one offering hope. You are the only one saying there is more to this life than the confusion, pain, sorrow, loss, and death. You are our hope, Jesus.

So tonight sitting in room 433 of Candler hospital broken hearted beside my pain inflicted wife together mourning our child who will soon be snatched away from us I announce with the prophet Habakkuk, “Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights.”

Dear Jesus we do not understand this but to whom shall we go, you have the words of eternal life and we believe and know that you are the eternal One of God’

I suppose I am getting closer to the edge….

pantsless in wal-mart

Marianne and I have been in South GA for a few days enjoying the sheets of humidity and bugs raining against our windshield. It is amazing how two places just a few hours apart are so different. I am sure there are plenty of ‘country’ people in Lawrenceville but wow there are some serious country people around ‘heanl’.

It is really easy to adapt to the culture when we come down here. One day Madi played in the dirt driveway of Marianne’s parent’s house, drank from the water hose and ran around the yard barefoot which are all things she never does at home. It was great because she was happy and occupied which meant she gave her mother a break for a few minutes. I even commented to Marianne how we need to find a place with a little land so she can play like this at home.

One evening we went to ‘The Wal-Mart’ (that is how you refer to it here) and Madi having already had her bath was just in a diaper and bare foot. Well….we just took her to Wal-Mart in her diaper. There she was running around in her diaper through the store looking like a good trailer park baby fresh from playing all day in the yard. She was running through sporting goods and electronics and I was chasing her having a blast. I would have never let her run around bare foot in her diaper through Hamilton Mill Wal-Mart but since we were in the ‘ham’ I thought it would be just fine.

It is bizarre how we let our guard down when we are in a comfortable setting and allow ourselves to be more of who we truly are. I believe this character trait may also carry over into our spiritual lives as well. We have a true person that we are and we know when we are being that person and when we are not.

Often times our circumstances and the people around us determines what self is revealed. Who are we trying to impress? Why do we care about their impression of us? Are we concerned about Jesus’ impression of us? Do we realize he loves our true selves and wants us to let it out for good in every situation? He wants us to stop grand standing pretending we are someone we’re not and just be who he made us to be all the time.

Whoever He made you to be, find it and live it out everyday…not matter where you are. I am certain it is more fun to live this way!

the first time every time

Today was my first trip to the beach with Madi. I was excited from the time we left Lawrenceville headed to visit family in South GA because I could not wait to play with her in the water and sand. At the beach I wanted to soak up the experience and store it deep in my memory banks to be recalled when she is trying my patience at 13.

I was pumped about this first trip to the beach with my daughter but there will probably be many more to come. They will likely become less exciting and too much like work. Burying her legs in the sand will not hold the magic it held today. This is the danger of life, we live it and expect to keep living it.

Marianne’s dad was with us at the beach. He is 72 years old and being as ornery as he is will probably live to 110. Still, my first trip with Madi may have been his last trip to the beach with his daughter. We give much attention to that first time but we should treat every time with the intensity of the first beause it may be the last.

entering now

I have been putting off blogging because it was just the hip thing for so long and I wanted to make sure I actually wanted to be a blogger and just not be caught up in the crowd. I think it is time. Possibly because I have entered into a discipleship counseling relationship and it is causing me to reflect more on my efforts to follow Jesus. Possibly because ministry demands a place to release some thoughts and ideas about what God is doing.  Possibly because I believe people might read my ramblings. Possibly because there is a major change coming to my family, (more on that next week).

I am lead pastor of a local congregation but I am not a church planter which at this point you probably just clicked away. Good-bye. I am leading a local church in Lawrenceville, GA named Central Christian Church which has been in existence since 1984. I love the people there and I believe God is going to do something cool with us. I have been leading Central for almost 2 years now and it has been a blast so far.

So here goes I am finally going to do it, I am entering now.

I want to be desperate for the Father but I am not…I’m on the edge though.