Be good to your sons and daughters

Of all the good works God prepared in advance for his people , the work of parenting children is paramount (Eph 2:10). If we do unbelievable feats in ministry or in a profession and do poorly at parenting we have done nothing worth discussing. It has been said, “parenting is hard”.  It demands focus for the long distance and attentiveness for the day to day challenges like running noses, boo boos, fevers and playing. Obviously, there are great parenting guru’s who can talk more about the principles and strategies needed to raise healthy children. Although the principles and strategies the experts teach can be productive for effective parenting, they will never give us all we need for the good work of parenting.

Parenting is a good work which God prepared in advance for us to do, and God promises us he will equip us for all good works. Paul encouraging Timothy in 2nd Timothy 3:16-17  reminds him of the origin and usefulness of scripture. In verse 16 he writes that scripture conveys truth about what to think and how to live. Then in verse 17 Paul writes through this truth we are “thoroughly equipped for every good work.” The Bible contains the truth we need for life and that truth gives us the tools we need for all good works. The temptation here is to think, “O the bible must be full of parenting advice so I will search it to fix my kid.” The Bible does have great parenting advice, but the equipping we need does not necessarily come by memorizing those parenting principles found in scripture, although that can help.  Instead the equipping we need for the good work of parenting comes through knowing our Father in Heaven and discovering how he parents. It is growing in intimacy with him that we find the equipping for the good work of parenting. In other words, becoming Godly parents is not about knowing the right verses in the bible, but knowing God through the scripture.  The pursuit of God is a long arduous process, but it is well worth the work due to the benefit our children receive.

We learn in Proverbs 14:26 (ESV) fearing and revering the Lord produces two outcomes. The first is strong confidence because we are coming to know the One who watches over us so we are able to move more freely knowing we are safe. The second is about our children and the benefit they receive from our pursuing God. The Proverb reads that our children will have a refuge when we fear or revere the Lord. Fearing God has more to do with knowing him intimately than knowing about him from a distance. When we seek God through his word and through prayer, he reveals his majesty and glory leaving us in awe, astonishment and fear. That attitude towards God creates for our children a place for them to be safe. It produces a shelter from the danger, storms and rain of this world. Our submission to the God of heaven gives our children a safe place to grow emotionally whole and spiritually informed.

Good parents may read parenting books which can be beneficial, but Godly parents will also pursue God through scripture thereby being thoroughly equipped for the good work in the bedroom down the hall.

 

 

What might it be like?

Ava and Claire will be here Wednesday April 22nd at 12:30pm. As I am standing on the brink of this life altering moment it is a simple thing for which I am thankful. Madilyn’s birthday is August 22nd and I can never remember that. There is a long story behind why I cannot remember or why I just refuse to remember. However, now with Ava and Claire coming on April 22 all my children (so far) will have been born on the 22nd. I am thankful for this because I usually allow more into my life than I can possibly handle so something being simplified like everyone’s birthday being on the 22nd is a help.

I am nervous about raising three girls. A close friend of mine has helped me understand how the world is not all that fair to women and growing up as a woman can be very difficult. I hope I can communicate daily their amazing worth and value to both their mother and I and their Creator. Of course making this decision is easy and probably overrated, what is difficult is managing the decision daily.

I think we all invest our energy on a wheel of activity that will not in the end satisfy us like the energy we invest in our children. The energy we invest in our children actually creates an energy source for our lives later. As I pour my life into Madilyn, Ava and Claire, yes, it makes me tired but memories are generated and stored and later they become fuel for me as an old man to know I lived well. In addition, and this is even better, they become fuel for the girls to help them make the best decisions, to live confidently and trust the God of heaven.   

So the decision is made but then making decisions is overrated…managing and following through with that decision for the duration is the key.

providence

Marianne came through her surgery great. We are at her mother and father’s house giving her time to recoup from surgery. We have a follow-up doctor’s appointment on Thursday morning to remove her staples and check her platelets. Due to the surgery Mari cannot pick up anything more than 5 pounds for 4 weeks so Madi is having a hard time understanding why mama cannot pick her up and hold her. In addition I am having a hard time remembering that I have to pick her up. I am certain she will adjust; probably better than I.

The texts and emails we have received have been a great encouragement and comfort. This has been a crazy few days but it is clear that God has been in the middle of this protecting us. It has been a comfort to be in south Georgia through all this because we have our family near to serve us and help with Madi. They have been awesome and we are deeply grateful for them. In addition Marianne’s doctor down here, Dr. Lawrence Odom, is brilliant and we trust him immensely. He is very cautious and never acts cavalier about practicing medicine as some doctors can. We also had an unbelievable nurse at Candler Hospital, her name was Valerie. She is a Christ follower and really served us during our stay. Her demeanor and spirit in an odd way helped us begin the healing process. Because of all these reasons and more we believe that God has been with us as he promised he would be.

Thank you for all your prayers.

beyond intrigue

The news that I wanted to share with you next week that would change our family’s life needs to be shared with you now. However, I am sorry to say the news is quite different than I hoped it would have been. Marianne and I have had a difficult journey through the years with having children. We have one child Madilyn Pearl Saxton and she is 22 months old. She was our fifth pregnancy and she was a miracle. Well a couple of weeks ago we discovered we were pregnant again without really trying all that much. I must be honest I did not want to be excited because of the previous pain. But I chose to embrace this gift from God and trust him with the whole of myself including my anxiety about the pregnancy.

We had blood work and saw our specialist in Savannah who we had seen before. He felt like everything looked pretty good with her test results but we needed to go with the same protocol we used with our first pregnancy. Blood thinner and hormone treatment to help the pregnancy move along in a healthy way was used again as before. Yesterday Marianne had some pain in her abdomen area and pressure in her shoulder. Today we spoke with the doctor and this afternoon he met us at the ER in Savannah.

After waiting forever on an ultrasound our absolute worst fear was found to be a reality for our new baby. He never made it from the tube into the uterus which meant the pregnancy was entopic or tubule. This means that not only will we lose this pregnancy but also that fallopian tube that delivers the eggs to the uterus. Tomorrow morning at 9 am is the surgery. They normally would do this surgery immediately but since Marianne was on a blood thinner called Lovenox she needs to wait 12 or so hours for the drug to get out of her system.

When we got the news I was heartbroken and cried more than I have in a long time. I felt heart ache like I have not felt in a long time. You know the pain that is deep in your chest and it causes an actual physical pain. I ached because my beautiful wife had suffered already enough and had more suffering ahead of her. I ached because she is heart broken at a child we will not know in this world. I ached because I believed Madi was going to be a great big sister and I wanted to see her grow with this new child. I ached because I know how much I love Madi and want to love another child as well. I ached because of loss.

Initially I was pissed because I thought, ‘what is the deal God? Why would you jerk us around like this? You know we were not even trying very hard and this pregnancy was completely your idea. So what is up with this?’

His answer was no answer. As I reeled in my shock and pain of the bomb that had just been dropped in our life I tried to process all the emotions running through my heart. Anger, sorrow, pain, dejection, depression and then guilt for all those emotions were all present. I tried to reflect on who Jesus was in this situation and I thought of Peter.

I thought of the story in the gospel where Jesus tells people who found him intriguing that they must eat his body and drink his blood. Although they were intrigued their intrigue was not enough to cause them to stick around for this blasphemous teaching for they were devout Jews. As the intrigue transitioned into disgust and the people trickled away muttering about the lunacy of this carpenter, Jesus looked at his twelve closest followers and asked if they were leaving as well. I love Peter’s response and tonight it has been my response as well. “Lord to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We believe and know that you are the eternal One of God.”

In a way Peter was saying Jesus we do not understand this and we have lots of emotions running through us that are causing us to ask questions BUT, there is no one else. You are the only one offering hope. You are the only one saying there is more to this life than the confusion, pain, sorrow, loss, and death. You are our hope, Jesus.

So tonight sitting in room 433 of Candler hospital broken hearted beside my pain inflicted wife together mourning our child who will soon be snatched away from us I announce with the prophet Habakkuk, “Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights.”

Dear Jesus we do not understand this but to whom shall we go, you have the words of eternal life and we believe and know that you are the eternal One of God’

I suppose I am getting closer to the edge….

the first time every time

Today was my first trip to the beach with Madi. I was excited from the time we left Lawrenceville headed to visit family in South GA because I could not wait to play with her in the water and sand. At the beach I wanted to soak up the experience and store it deep in my memory banks to be recalled when she is trying my patience at 13.

I was pumped about this first trip to the beach with my daughter but there will probably be many more to come. They will likely become less exciting and too much like work. Burying her legs in the sand will not hold the magic it held today. This is the danger of life, we live it and expect to keep living it.

Marianne’s dad was with us at the beach. He is 72 years old and being as ornery as he is will probably live to 110. Still, my first trip with Madi may have been his last trip to the beach with his daughter. We give much attention to that first time but we should treat every time with the intensity of the first beause it may be the last.